Your Last Christmas Tree
Why buy our tree so early?
Christmas is not for a month, not tomorrow.
Why did you want to go to all the stores,
You were in such a hurry you pulled me by the hand.
I didn't really understand,
but your body had felt it already.
You brought the decorations down from the attic,
You had put them all over the house.
I had never seen you like that,
Taking big bites of life, arms full of gifts.
for our children and grandchildren,
You rushed as if you had no time.
In the windows, magnificent snowy landscapes,
A Father Christmas perched on the roof.
A wreath on the door that said Welcome,
People admiring as they passed in the street.
How proud and surprised I was by your energy,
You who had been in pain for years.
How was it I didn't realize sooner,
that for you the days were counted.
You had set up the tree near the chimney,
the ornaments hung, the garlands blinking.
We were before this tree, our eyes shining,
Wide-eyed, I was marveling.
Then it was the drama, that telephone call,
saying to leave right away for the clinic.
Doctors alarmed, generalized cancer,
You would not make it to the end of the year.
We looked at that tree together,
Your eyes seemed to tell it "Farewell," not "Tomorrow".
I spent a month by you at the hospice,
Your body wearing out, your fearful look.
You departed gently on New Year's Day,
Since then I have lost my childish gaze.
I went back to the house after the burial,
Standing before the tree, my heart in Nothingness.
I unhooked the decorations one by one,
with trembling hands, no one at home,
I put all the ornaments into the wicker trunk,
The strands of lights
seemed to weep as I did.
One last time for you I made them blink,
Outside it was night, your star was flickering.
Never again a festival meal,nor tree, nor decorations,
Winter had just crossed through my heart and my body.
YOU HAVE PASSED TO ANOTHER SETTING
--mtcatala
." M-thé Catala's husband died on January 1st, 2004.
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